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Happy couple looking out at the water

Relationships: Hard Work or Adventure?

Successful relationships are a Work in Progress

Has your relationship become stale or filled with constant conflict? It’s probably because it’s stopped growing.

Do you even look at your partner anymore? Or if you do is it only when you’re mad? Relationships stop growing when we think we know everything there is to know about ourselves and our partner. If you’re feeling bored, lonely or frustrated in your relationship then it’s an indication that growth and progress has stopped.

Let’s change the word ‘work’ to Adventure and Curiousity.

The truth is, you don’t know everything about yourself, so how could you know everything about your partner.… Read the rest

Stress and anxiety management. Take control and breathe.

Stress Can be Good for You

Stress and anxiety are aspects of our lives that aren’t going away very easily.

Even so, you’re more powerful and in control than you think.

It may seem that stress controls you because it’s more powerful. But it isn’t, you’re letting it.

Stress as a Helpful Tool

You’ve already been using stress unconsciously as a tool to cope through uncertain times. Now use it purposefully to gain more positive results. Stressing or worrying about an outcome or experience makes us feel like we’re taking action. This then feels like a bit of control instead of sitting back and accepting the situation.… Read the rest

Love in Lights - Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

BEING IN LOVE – Luck or bravery? Explore Fear and Love in Relationship

Love is such a difficult, almost impossible thing to define.

Is it just something that some couples are lucky enough to have?

Glennon Doyle Melton comes to this question herself and defines it beautifully in her book ‘Love Warrior: a Memoir’

Is love, not a feeling, but a place between 2 present people? A sacred place created when 2 people decide it’s safe enough to let their real selves surface and touch each other. Is that why it’s called ‘in’ love.. because you have to visit there? And was I unable to grasp it because I was trying to understand it with my hovering mind and love can’t be known that way?

Read the rest
Relationship Stress. Communication and Anger Management

Thinking of leaving your relationship? Read this…

Relationship stress is hard

But that daily relationship stress is nothing compared to the pain and changes you’ll go through with divorce or separation. It’s a misinterpretation to think divorce is easy judging by the rising rates. You’d think it’s as simple as finding the best recycling for an old car stereo or laptop. No!! It’s not!! Not for a lot of people.

Where did we get the idea that relationships are disposable?

So if you’re thinking of leaving your relationship or marriage this article will help.
Learning about all the pain, changes and, thankfully, eventual growth that you can go through with divorce and separation will leave you better prepared to take that step.… Read the rest

Liz Coleman RTC - Surrey Counsellor

Your Goal for Happiness and Success Starts Here – Part 2

Our goals and what we want can get confusing. Which is often why we end up not fully satisfied with the outcome.

Take the weather as an easy example, when it’s cold we want it to be hot and then when it’s hot…..well you know. It seems that asking for one thing means giving up another. Which is why when working with goals that it’s best to focus on the experience of having, being or doing that goal rather than what it looks like.

BRINGING YOUR GOAL INTO THE PRESENT 

One of the great things I learned in counselling school was the Feeling Goal.… Read the rest

Liz Coleman RTC Couples Therapy

Reconnect with Your Partner- An Exercise

THE 15 MINUTE EXERCISE

15 minutes?..Yes that’s all you’ll need to reconnect with your partner again.

And what happens when you feel connected? Your anxiety and stress goes down, you sleep better, work better and feel happy. What’s there to lose?

The exercise is simple but, like anything that requires open expression, it’s uncomfortable at first. Not to worry, you’ll soon reap the rewards and feel more relaxed.

This is a great exercise to use on its own as well as between counselling sessions, it speeds up progress.

Click the link below to find out more

The-15-Minute-Exercise.pdf

The time spent with your partner is sacred.… Read the rest

Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now

Your Goal for Happiness, Peace and Success Starts Here – Pt. 1

Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now

OUR CHOICES CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE

All our choices are based on the information we have and that’s made up of what we’ve learned and experienced in the past. It’s a mix of emotions and facts. But even cold hard facts can be distorted because, as we are meaning making machines, we’ve learned to judge everything and slot them into ‘good’ or ‘bad‘. In essence creating an emotional decision. And so often our judgments of ‘good’ are based on avoiding discomfort or with fear that something bad will happen otherwise. To make decisions to reach your goal it’s important to recognize and choose the alternative to the fear based choice.… Read the rest

Liz Coleman RTC

Not Happy? Not Unhappy? .. You’re in the Comfort Zone

The Comfort Zone can be like the Dead Zone when you’re neither Happy nor Unhappy.

At first escaping to comfort isn’t all bad it’s helpful. Like a reward, we’re happy and feel relieved with the break from the anxiety and stresses of life. But when escaping becomes the place you live from... you are in the Comfort Zone.

The reward and happy feeling of Facebook, gaming, TV or whatever your escape, eventually wears off. It always does. Then you risk becoming caught in your comfort zone. If you don’t drop the activity to find something new the need for the happy feeling will force you to just do more of it.… Read the rest

Help! I can’t stop my Bad Habits

When Eating, Drinking and other behaviours become Bad Habits

Sometimes the normal, healthy behaviours we engage in every day become out of control default behaviours, creating problems such as stress and anxiety. Unhealthy habits can be sneaky, starting with an innocent ‘reward’ for having a bad day and leading to becoming the ‘go to’ in an attempt to make yourself feel better. When this happens you can feel powerless to stop it.

Bad Habits and Inner Demons

Common Bad Habits:

  • Eating too much, or not at all
  • Watching TV or movies
  • Checking Facebook, email or surfing
  • Alcohol, smoking or drugs/medication
  • Ranting to friends, gossiping
  • Shopping
  • Work, Exercise, Sleep, Sex

In some cases, daily behaviours become default behaviours and bad habits that you use as a way to cope and distract yourself from feeling the underlying stress and anxiety.… Read the rest

The One Thing for Dating and Public Speaking

What do dating and public speaking have in common?

One thing.

It’s this One Thing that separates the good speech from the great and a 1st date into a possible 2nd.

I learned this One Thing in dating a long time ago. I was on a first date with a guy and I thought he was so cute and wanted to see him again. But he didn’t. Hm what happened? As I was reflecting back on the date looking at what I did and said I realized. Oohh I was so focused on myself and worried about what he was thinking of me that I couldn’t pay attention to what he was saying and finding out who he was.… Read the rest

Relationships …. Blissful or Maddening?

<p>working draft</p> <p> </p> <p>“One day your prince will come” and other Fairy tales we were taught growing …

Express yourself… ! counter passive agressive behavior

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Is the New Positivity Trend making us More Negative?

<h1>Be Positive; the new moral compass</h1> <p>The growing trend that says positivity is the right way may be the very thing …