Blog | Tips and Tools

Dozens of articles to gain a new Perspective for your Mental Health and Happiness

A solitary man appears depressed.

What Is Complex PTSD?

In order to understand Complex PTSD, let’s first talk about PTSD or Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder, which you have probably heard of.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD is a mental illness or disorder caused or triggered by some kind of shocking or terrifying event. The disorder is often seen in veterans, in those who have survived natural disasters, and those who have witnessed some kind of brutal event.

Worldwide, the incidence of PTSD is estimated to be about 3.9% of the general population (Koenen, 2017). The current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) calls it Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. The DSM-5 is an important go-to reference publication that helps mental health professionals diagnose and treat illness.… Read the rest

Intimacy between two adults.

EMPTY Intimacy: About More than Sex

If you hear the word intimacy, most people have an instant association with sex–that if you’re talking about intimacy, then you’re talking about sex. But that’s not the case. Intimacy and sex and two different things.

Intimacy is described by Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., as something that has seven elements. Those seven elements include things like care, trust, and commitment.

Basically, intimacy is an emotional closeness, an emotional connection, in which each person cares for and is committed to both that connection and the happiness of the other person.

Sex is, well, sex. It’s a physical connection, a physical act. Emotional closeness is not required to for humans to have sex.… Read the rest

Authenticity is keeping it real.

The Authenticity Debate

“Authenticity” is an overused and often-debated term these days. We are told to be authentic at work to achieve sales and success, authentic on social media to acquire a big following and authentic everywhere else as well

So, the question arises, what exactly is authenticity?

Well, it depends on who you ask. The psychologist, Brene Brown, says, “the core of authenticity is the courage to be imperfect, vulnerable, and to set boundaries.” Dr. Brown made that point in reference to an article written by another psychologist, Adam Grant. Dr. Brown felt her position on authenticity had not been inaccurately represented.Read the rest

Explosive Anger

Have you ever exploded with anger?

An anger that seemed inappropriate to the moment?  Like an explosion that surprises everyone around you including yourself…

It might be a dramatic episode or a brief flash of anger such as:

  • road rage
  • physical or verbal aggression
  • throwing and breaking objects
  • an old fashioned temper tantrum
  • refusing to be kind or forgive someone
  • a critical judgment of someone

No matter how it manifests itself, the explosive anger leaves you feeling a combination of guilty, inadequate, sad, tired, hopeless and out of control.

You’re not alone… here’s a helpful hint to lessen and eventually avoid those moments.… Read the rest

Real Connection in Communication – 5 steps

Connection in communicationBeing real in your communication invites connection. That often requires some vulnerability and that’s not something we feel comfortable doing with just anyone. It is important to make connections through communication. In this post we will give you resources for how to make connections and communicate more efficiently.

Human connection is vital to feeling free and alive. Yet, for most people, we’ve been taught a more righteous form of communication that has you needing to prove your point to be right.

Communication is about exchanging views for the benefit of all parts, people that feels heard is willing to hear, and in that exchange you find real connection.… Read the rest

Choice Moments – Building Trust with a simple decision

Our lives are full of meaningful moments of choice

Moments that you get to decide which direction you want your life to move to. You can choose the easy way or a more challenging route. Those times when you can turn towards someone and create a better connection and trust or turn away and stay safe.

You know those times that you’re tempted to text ‘I’m sorry’ because it’s easier instead of calling the person or facing them instead.

A simple moment but a powerful statement of who you want to be.

Choice Moments Make a Difference

In your relationships or with a friend or family member, there are many times they’ll make a request or statement.… Read the rest

grounding technique

Who would you be without your story of Not Enough?

Not smart enough, loved enough, loving enough, pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough, popular enough… any one of these can stick in your mind like a thorn or virus that works behind the scenes. Even if the thought is expressed openly it still seems to hide in the dark like a lurking thief ready to steal any joy or pride that you might feel in moments.

For example, you’re looking at your partner, love feeling that warm glow of connection then… BAM… the thought springs out of the dark, deep recesses of your mind… “What if they don’t love me the same?”… Read the rest

Short Term vs Long Term Counselling

A big push in the counseling field recently has been for short term counselling. This is mostly promoted by the health insurance coverage based on cost. Another factor is the fix-it-quick mentality that is pervasive in society. So I thought I’d give a brief explanation about the difference between the two types. This will also answer any questions about which one is more appropriate.

The 2 main factors to consider between short and long term therapy is the frequency of problem and the problem’s impact on the person seeking help.

Short term therapy is often defined as 12 sessions or less done in succession.

Read the rest

Angry? Feeling Disrespected or Not Considered? – Gain clarity with a shift in perspective

Why you’re stuck and keep sabotaging yourself…

Why do I keep self- sabotaging my life?

Anger management and anxiety counselling aren’t just about changing behaviour, it’s about finding the deeper cause. The root that’s keeping you stuck, angry, frustrated, anxious and unhappy. But when shifted makes life easier, less reactive and brings calm.

What is that deeper cause?…. A Negative Core Belief

This Negative Core Belief runs like a program or pattern that keeps bringing the same old results. And those critical thoughts about yourself and others that crop up are connected to that Negative Core Belief.

WHAT IS A NEGATIVE CORE BELIEF?… Read the rest

Social anxiety

That freeze and avoid state. The perma smile sets in on your face. You’re physically there, sitting off to the side but not present. And you can’t find anything worthwhile to say.

If some or all of those are familiar you’re dealing with social anxiety. An ingrained, habitual response originally meant to keep you out of danger.

How belief patterns feed into social anxiety

This diagram perfectly illustrates how your belief patterns feed into your social anxiety, creating a self-fulfilling cycle:

Social Anxiety, social phobia and anxiety counselling

As you can see, before we enter a social situation we already have a preconceived belief of what’s going to happen and how that person is going to perceive us.

Read the rest
A solitary man appears depressed.

What Is Complex PTSD?

<p>In order to understand Complex PTSD, let’s first talk about PTSD or Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder, which you have …

Intimacy between two adults.

EMPTY Intimacy: About More than Sex

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Authenticity is keeping it real.

The Authenticity Debate

<p><span data-preserver-spaces="true">“Authenticity” is an overused and often-debated term these days. We are told to …