Blog | Tips and Tools

Dozens of articles to gain a new Perspective for your Mental Health and Happiness

Choice Moments – Building Trust with a simple decision

Our lives are full of meaningful moments of choice

Moments that you get to decide which direction you want your life to move to. You can choose the easy way or a more challenging route. Those times when you can turn towards someone and create a better connection and trust or turn away and stay safe.

You know those times that you’re tempted to text ‘I’m sorry’ because it’s easier instead of calling the person or facing them instead.

A simple moment but a powerful statement of who you want to be.

Choice Moments Make a Difference

In your relationships or with a friend or family member, there are many times they’ll make a request or statement.… Read the rest

grounding technique

Who would you be without your story of Not Enough?

Not smart enough, loved enough, loving enough, pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough, popular enough… any one of these can stick in your mind like a thorn or virus that works behind the scenes. Even if the thought is expressed openly it still seems to hide in the dark like a lurking thief ready to steal any joy or pride that you might feel in moments.

For example, you’re looking at your partner, love feeling that warm glow of connection then… BAM… the thought springs out of the dark, deep recesses of your mind… “What if they don’t love me the same?” That one thought can set off a chain reaction of feelings and behaviour that don’t necessarily bring you closer to getting that love you’re wanting to experience.… Read the rest

Short Term vs Long Term Counselling

A big push in the counseling field recently has been for short term counselling. This is mostly promoted by the health insurance coverage based on cost. Another factor is the fix-it-quick mentality that is pervasive in society. So I thought I’d give a brief explanation about the difference between the two types. This will also answer any questions about which one is more appropriate.

The 2 main factors to consider between short and long term therapy is the frequency of problem and the problem’s impact on the person seeking help.

Short term therapy is often defined as 12 sessions or less done in succession.

Read the rest

Angry? Feeling Disrespected or Not Considered? – Gain clarity with a shift in perspective

Why you’re stuck and keep sabotaging yourself…

Why do I keep self- sabotaging my life?

Anger management and anxiety counselling aren’t just about changing behaviour, it’s about finding the deeper cause. The root that’s keeping you stuck, angry, frustrated, anxious and unhappy. But when shifted makes life easier, less reactive and brings calm.

What is that deeper cause?…. A Negative Core Belief

This Negative Core Belief runs like a program or pattern that keeps bringing the same old results. And those critical thoughts about yourself and others that crop up are connected to that Negative Core Belief.

WHAT IS A NEGATIVE CORE BELIEF?… Read the rest

Social anxiety

That freeze and avoid state. The perma smile sets in on your face. You’re physically there, sitting off to the side but not present. And you can’t find anything worthwhile to say.

If some or all of those are familiar you’re dealing with social anxiety. An ingrained, habitual response originally meant to keep you out of danger.

How belief patterns feed into social anxiety

This diagram perfectly illustrates how your belief patterns feed into your social anxiety, creating a self-fulfilling cycle:

Social Anxiety, social phobia and anxiety counselling

As you can see, before we enter a social situation we already have a preconceived belief of what’s going to happen and how that person is going to perceive us.

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Does Floating really Help with Anxiety?

Floatation Therapy is time spent in a tank of super-saturated Epsom salt water with minimal sensory input for 90 minutes or more.
This floating meditation provides a space of limited to no light, sound, tactile, gravity, temperature variations. This minimal or lack of sensory experience gives the nervous system and the body a break from alertness.
I call it a Meeting with the Boss… Me. There’s no one and nothing else to distract me except my thoughts. Once my muscles stop twitching and are completely relaxed all I’m left with are my thoughts.
What would that experience be like for you?….… Read the rest

Image by Alec Kondush- Love and Fear -Burning Man Sculpture

Bored in Your Relationship? Maybe you’re not Feeling Safe

Boredom isn’t a lack of things to do but an unwillingness to do things we fear.

Especially in relationships. Intimate relationships, friendships, co-workers and family all can fall into the rut that’s too easy and stale. Bringing on the boredom.

‘Just spice it up’ is the usual recommendation. And in some cases doing something different will bring a new experience but it’s not always the answer and can create more problems.

Because the problem isn’t variety but….SAFETY.

Neil Statin of Relationship Alive – The New Love Paradigm talks more about that.

“If you don’t feel safe in your relationship, then you will have a hard time being fully in your relationship.

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Unconditional Love – What is it? For Parents, Friends and Partners – Part 2

Part 2 of the Unconditional Love Blog by Choose Again

For loving healthy relationships and happy homes get clearer about when love is unconditional and when it’s need.

Hint: Unconditional Love isn’t obligation, tolerating bad behaviour or bargaining.

Unconditional love sounds like:

  • “I don’t need you to shield me from pain or discomfort. I need to learn from mistakes to grow.”
  • “You don’t need to take care of my emotions I’m learning to do that myself.”
  • “Loving you means not doing everything for you at my expense. Or vice versa.”
  • “I don’t need to tolerate abuse, neglect or other deal breakers to love you unconditionally.”
  • “Please just hear me and accept me, I don’t need you to fix me.”
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Unconditional Love – Fear vs. Love – Is it part of your Relationship? For Parents, Friends and Partners

The 1st of a 6 part blog on Unconditional Love

The writer’s focus is on Unconditional Love in the Parent child relationship but these questions and statements can apply to all our relationships.

Our ideas of what’s loving when looked at closely are really fear in disguise.

How often in an intimate relationship have you felt responsible to ‘fix’ your partners bad mood? Or have you felt guilty because you’ve made a mistake and your friends angry with you? These are all examples of Conditional Love for ourselves and for others.

Read on to start to understand what Unconditionally Loving means.… Read the rest

Meet your Goals with 2 quick tips - Liz Coleman-Surrey Counsellor

Choose Again – Lift the Veil of Label-ism

From Choose Again daily quote:

Reflections?

 

“Each flies with its own kind: pigeon with pigeon, hawk with hawk.” ~ Idries Shaw

Is the ‘pigeon’, perhaps, merely a reflection of who I think I am? The saying “If you want to fly with the eagles do not walk with the turkeys” teaches a similar lesson. I might suggest I could see it somewhat differently: if I see the Eagle in everyone I meet and not buy into the turkey appearance they may present, then I would, by my choosing, fly with the Eagles regardless of who appears to be flying with me.

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Choice Moments – Building Trust with a simple decision

<h4>Our lives are full of meaningful moments of choice</h4> <p>Moments that you get to decide which direction you want your …

grounding technique

Who would you be without your story of Not Enough?

<p>Not smart enough, loved enough, loving enough, pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough, popular enough… any …

Short Term vs Long Term Counselling

<p>A big push in the counseling field recently has been for short term counselling. This is mostly promoted by the health …