Blog | Tips and Tools

Dozens of articles to gain a new Perspective for your Mental Health and Happiness

Angry? Feeling Disrespected or Not Considered? – Gain clarity with a shift in perspective

Why you’re stuck and keep sabotaging yourself…

Why do I keep self- sabotaging my life?

Anger management and anxiety counselling isn’t just about changing behaviour, it’s about finding the deeper cause. The root that’s keeping you stuck, angry, frustrated, anxious and unhappy. But when shifted makes life easier, less reactive and brings calm.

What is that deeper cause?…. A Negative Core Belief

This Negative Core Belief runs like a program or pattern that keeps bringing the same old results. And those critical thoughts about yourself and others that crop up are connected to that Negative Core Belief.

WHAT IS A NEGATIVE CORE BELIEF?… Read the rest

Social anxiety –

That freeze and avoid state. The perma smile sets on my face. I’m not present. I sit to the side. Can’t find anything to say.

If some or all of those are familiar you’re dealing with social anxiety. In grained, auto response, a pattern.

How belief patterns feed into social anxiety

This diagrams perfectly illustrates how your belief patterns feed into your social anxiety, creating a self-fulfilling cycle:

Social Anxiety, social phobia and anxiety counselling

As you can see, before we enter a social situation we already have a preconceived belief of what’s going to happen and how that person is going to perceive us.

This belief then influences how you act in that situation and how comfortable you are.… Read the rest

Does Floating really Help with Anxiety?

Floatation Therapy is time spent in a tank of super-saturated Epsom salt water with minimal sensory input for 90 minutes or more.
This floating meditation provides a space of limited to no light, sound, tactile, gravity, temperature variations. This minimal or lack of sensory experience gives the nervous system and the body a break from alertness.
I call it a Meeting with the Boss… Me. There’s no one and nothing else to distract me except my thoughts. Once my muscles stop twitching and are completely relaxed all I’m left with are my thoughts.
What would that experience be like for you?….… Read the rest

Image by Alec Kondush- Love and Fear -Burning Man Sculpture

Bored in Your Relationship? Maybe you’re not Feeling Safe

Boredom isn’t a lack of things to do but an unwillingness to do things we fear.

Especially in relationships. Intimate relationships, friendships, co-workers and family all can fall into the rut that’s too easy and stale. Bringing on the boredom.

‘Just spice it up’ is the usual recommendation. And in some cases doing something different will bring a new experience but it’s not always the answer and can create more problems.

Because the problem isn’t variety but….SAFETY.

Neil Statin of Relationship Alive – The New Love Paradigm talks more about that.

“If you don’t feel safe in your relationship, then you will have a hard time being fully in your relationship.

Read the rest

Unconditional Love – What is it? For Parents, Friends and Partners – Part 2

Part 2 of the Unconditional Love Blog by Choose Again

For loving healthy relationships and happy homes get clearer about when love is unconditional and when it’s need.

Hint: Unconditional Love isn’t obligation, tolerating bad behaviour or bargaining.

Unconditional love sounds like:

  • “I don’t need you to shield me from pain or discomfort. I need to learn from mistakes to grow.”
  • “You don’t need to take care of my emotions I’m learning to do that myself.”
  • “Loving you means not doing everything for you at my expense. Or vice versa.”
  • “I don’t need to tolerate abuse, neglect or other deal breakers to love you unconditionally.”
  • “Please just hear me and accept me, I don’t need you to fix me.”
Read the rest

Unconditional Love – Fear vs. Love – Is it part of your Relationship? For Parents, Friends and Partners

The 1st of a 6 part blog on Unconditional Love

The writer’s focus is on Unconditional Love in the Parent child relationship but these questions and statements can apply to all our relationships.

Our ideas of what’s loving when looked at closely are really fear in disguise.

How often in an intimate relationship have you felt responsible to ‘fix’ your partners bad mood? Or have you felt guilty because you’ve made a mistake and your friends angry with you? These are all examples of Conditional Love for ourselves and for others.

Read on to start to understand what Unconditionally Loving means.… Read the rest

Meet your Goals with 2 quick tips - Liz Coleman-Surrey Counsellor

Choose Again – Lift the Veil of Label-ism

From Choose Again daily quote:

Reflections?

 

“Each flies with its own kind: pigeon with pigeon, hawk with hawk.” ~ Idries Shaw

Is the ‘pigeon’, perhaps, merely a reflection of who I think I am? The saying “If you want to fly with the eagles do not walk with the turkeys” teaches a similar lesson. I might suggest I could see it somewhat differently: if I see the Eagle in everyone I meet and not buy into the turkey appearance they may present, then I would, by my choosing, fly with the Eagles regardless of who appears to be flying with me.

Read the rest

8 Stress Free Scents with Essential Oils

Aromatherapy for Stress and anxiety

Aromatherapy is one of the most pleasant ways to calm ourselves and feel better. It’s quick, fast and easy because our sense of smell triggers powerful physical and emotional responses.

Inhaling Essential oils for Stress

When an essential oil is inhaled your body responds by regulating heart rate, breathing patterns and blood pressure. Since chronic stress can suppress the immune system over time it’s beneficial to practice daily calming techniques and Essential oils is a pleasant option.

Use in your bath or shower, as a direct inhalation, hot water vapor, vaporizer or humidifier, fan, spray or with a diffuser.… Read the rest

Relationship Reality vs Fairy Tale Fantasy

Relationships …. Blissful or Maddening?

Relationship Reality vs the Fairy Tale Fantasy

“One day your prince will come” and other Fairy tales we were taught growing up.

Maybe you believed them, maybe you still do or maybe you don’t. But it’s what the movies and advertising are continuing to teach. “You are not enough if you’re not beautiful and with someone successful or successful and with someone beautiful.” But don’t worry there’s someone out there who will save you.

Ha! No there isn’t. Sorry I know that’s tough to hear.

Yes I’ve grown jaded of those sentiments. AND at the same time I harbour hopes and romantic dreams.… Read the rest

Is the New Positivity Trend making us More Negative?

Be Positive; the new moral compass

The growing trend that says positivity is the right way may be the very thing that is creating anger and frustration. Which are the so-called ‘negative emotions’ that it says to avoid.

Of course being positive is… well… positive but it can also be a mask or cover to hide the underlying feelings.

My favorite way to explain this (sorry if this bothers you) being positive can be like putting icing on a shit cake. If you’re feeling ‘shitty’ inside but you decide you should feel happy or positive what happens to the ‘shitty’ feelings?… Read the rest

Angry? Feeling Disrespected or Not Considered? – Gain clarity with a shift in perspective

<h2>Why you’re stuck and keep sabotaging yourself…</h2> <h4>Why do I keep self- sabotaging my life?</h4> <p>Anger …

Social anxiety –

<p style="background: #ffffff; border: 0px; margin: 0px0px0.6em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; overflow-wrap: …

Does Floating really Help with Anxiety?

<p>Floatation Therapy is time spent in a tank of super-saturated Epsom salt water with minimal sensory input for 90 minutes …