Tag: emotions

Relationship Stress. Communication and Anger Management

Thinking of leaving your relationship? Read this…

Relationship stress is hard

But that daily relationship stress is nothing compared to the pain and changes you’ll go through with divorce or separation. It’s a misinterpretation to think divorce is easy judging by the rising rates. You’d think it’s as simple as finding the best recycling for an old car stereo or laptop. No!! It’s not!! Not for a lot of people.

Where did we get the idea that relationships are disposable?

(Stay tuned for the new blog)

So if you’re thinking of leaving your relationship or marriage this article will help.
Learning about all the pain, changes and, thankfully, eventual growth that you can go through with divorce and separation will leave you better prepared to take that step.

Note: there is one swear word at the beginning of the article. If the word offends you please blink quickly and continue reading.

What Nobody Tells you about Leaving your Spouse.

Your Goal for Happiness, Peace and Success Starts Here – Pt. 1

Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now

OUR CHOICES CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE

All our choices are based on the information we have and that’s made up of what we’ve learned and experienced in the past. It’s a mix of emotions and facts. But even cold hard facts can be distorted because, as we are meaning making machines, we’ve learned to judge everything and slot them into ‘good’ or ‘bad‘. In essence creating an emotional decision. And so often our judgments of ‘good’ are based on avoiding discomfort or with fear that something bad will happen otherwise. To make decisions to reach your goal it’s important to recognize and choose the alternative to the fear based choice. And that would be basing a decision on walking towards something that enlivens and empowers me rather than running from discomfort or fear of lack or losing. I use the terms Fear or Love to make it easier for me discern what to choose.

I ask myself what will I gain rather than what will I lose.

THE DAILY REPETITIVE LOOP..Changing perspective with Liz Coleman RTC www.thespacesbetweencounselling.com

Without the awareness that comes from introspection and meditation we’re living an habitual, repetitive loop day in and day out. This is like insanity, choosing the same thoughts, choices, feelings and actions to create your days yet always hoping for a different result. Unfortunately, most of the decisions that come from this insanity loop are from a place of Fear. ..which then creates your reality. That’s why STRESS AND ANXIETY are such a constant in our life. The fear of lack or losing rules us.

To try and change our experience we’ve mistakenly learned that changing our behaviour will change our thoughts and experience. But no.. it’s often the other way around. Changing your behaviour may temporarily change your experience, like moving to another country. But left to the robotic, repetition of your habitual mind you’ll be right back to the same feelings, thoughts, choices etc. Then voila… same experience as before just in a different country.

YOUR EXPERIENCES TODAY ARE BASED ON YOUR GOAL AND DECISIONS FROM YESTERDAY

Looking at where you are today… what fear based decisions have you made that are keeping you from your goal of Happiness, Peace and Success?

Coming soon Part 2 of YOUR GOAL FOR HAPPINESS, PEACE AND SUCCESS STARTS HERE. I’ll explore how to recognize the fear based choices and start choosing from a loving state of mind.

 

For personal and private exploration of this topic your friendly counsellor can help. Find one you feel comfortable with to gently step into your story with you. You will be amazed at how relieved you’ll feel just sharing your experiences. A counsellor is a neutral third party to help you see what’s stopping you, validate the successes you have made and explore your opportunities.

Call 604-809-8947 now to find out more. Or Click to find a time to talk.

Continue to Part 2

EXPAND YOUR LEARNING…

Find out more about personal growth or counsellor training at Clearmind International 

More information on the spiritual study of the Fear or Love thought system click A Course In Miracles

Read more

Express Emotions Responsibly

What good are our emotions anyway.. do we really need them?

Emotions feel out of control
Use emotions with control to feel happier

Do you wish you could get rid of your emotions?

It does seem as if life would be easier without emotions sometimes. They make life messy and out of control when often we prefer tidy and controlled.

Of course it’s not that simple…. Getting rid of ‘negative’ emotions means giving up the ‘positive’ aspects as well.. they’re connected. You know how close laughing and crying can be?… it’s a very fine line. One second you’re laughing and the next you’re crying or better yet the other way around. It’s how we’re wired. You can’t have one without the other.

If you’re interested in finding out about the body’s reaction to emotions the late Candace Pert did a lot of research and wrote a book The Molecules of Emotions. Candacepert.com Her research is also featured in the movie ‘What the Bleep Do we Know’

Are you willing to give up your joy and passion to get rid of anger and sadness?

A lot of times in my clients first sessions they apologize for crying and I can see them trying to ‘compose’ themselves and hold back the tears. It looks so difficult. There’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s a release of pressure like laughing can be and it’s a connection to a deeper sense of yourself. From there we can explore how they control themselves and they gain awareness of conscious or sub conscious beliefs they have about emotional expression. It’s a good start.

It’s not about getting rid of emotions but expressing them responsibly

Letting our emotions release brings a sense of relief and hope. Like revealing a secret we didn’t know we were holding onto for a long time. Because the other option is expending a lot of energy to control them and hold them in. (people wonder why they’re so tired) It can feel a bit scary as if they’ll never stop because if you’ve held tears in for so long the pressure has built up like a water toy being held under water. If you hold it under lightly it just bobs up to the surface when you let it go. No big deal. If you push it down deeper and keep pushing it explodes out of the water when you let it go. ERUPTION. Just like emotions. And usually not at appropriate times.

The urge to distract and hide emotions

Where do you think your emotions go when you push them away? It seems like they disappear for the moment but they don’t. And then you experience those moments when you’re overreacting to a situation. Or maybe you find you’re upsetting the people close to you because your anger is leaking out indirectly as passive aggressive behaviour. The common belief there is that expressing anger is bad and so you project your anger onto others. You can read more about that here.

 

So yes we really need our emotions, we couldn’t get rid of them if we wanted to although we still try. They are our bodies signals to us that something important is going on and it needs some attention. So show yourself some self compassion because opening to and sitting with your emotions can unravel to reveal love. A love for yourself and others. A love that’s been mistakenly obscured by fear.

Call or email me to find out more or to book a session.

Happy couple looking out at the water

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