Category: Values

Liz Coleman RTC - Surrey Counsellor

Your Goal for Happiness and Success Starts Here – Part 2

Our goals and what we want can get confusing. Which is often why we end up not fully satisfied with the outcome.

Take the weather as an easy example, when it’s cold we want it to be hot and then when it’s hot…..well you know. It seems that asking for one thing means giving up another. Which is why when working with goals that it’s best to focus on the experience of having, being or doing that goal rather than what it looks like.

BRINGING YOUR GOAL INTO THE PRESENT 

One of the great things I learned in counselling school was the Feeling Goal. Shout out to my school Clearmind International. I recommend their training and personal growth to everyone.  When they asked me for a goal in the first days I’m sure I groaned audibly. Ugh…making goals only made me anxious. I couldn’t get around my ‘reality’. I was blinded by the seeming impossibility of ‘how’ the goal would be reached instead of just reaching. That’s fear mentality!! Then they, those wonderful teachers at Clearmind, asked “How would you feel if you had that experience?” That question changed everything.

HOW THE FEELING GOAL WORKS

The Feeling Goal clarifies exactly what you want to experience from a multitude of possible outcomes and brings the experience of your goal from the future into the present (which is where our happiness lies).

When you’re thinking of something you want like a goal you’re usually looking into the future but at the same time you’re experiencing the lack of it in the moment.  What you’re saying is “when I get that house I’ll be happy” (but I’m not happy right now). Instantly your body will react with tension because lack brings up Fear which creates the experience of anxiety and stress. Switch your thoughts to how it would feel to have that home, relationship, job etc.. and you are literally experiencing your goal in your body here and now. And that feels good. The reason this works so well is a secret….. which I’ll share… your body doesn’t know the difference between past and future it just experiences based on what you’re thinking. So what you’re doing by feeling your goal is bringing it into the now like self-hypnosis.

This negative self-hypnosis isn’t a new thing for anyone who’s felt stress and anxiety. Those are the fear thoughts about the future being felt in your body. And sadness and guilt are thoughts about the past. Same kind of self-hypnosis just the difference of a closed, defensive, Fear state rather than a open, Loving one.

WHAT TO DO?

Now that you know the secret you can practice daily awareness of the thoughts you’re choosing. Deep breathing and meditating will help while you practice the Feeling Goal  as often as possible and intentionally create the feeling experience in your body of what you want.

Breathe…How would it feel to have what I want?… having that success would feel exciting and energizing…  then allow that feeling to strengthen in your body as you breathe in and out. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

Now you are consciously choosing your goal and specific experience of life in the present and for the future. No longer does your habitual fear get to control you. You have the power to choose your happiness and success.

WHAT IF IT’S NOT WORKING?

Persistent negative thoughts about yourself or others can block your ability to experience the full feeling of your goal. In this case past trauma, mistaken beliefs or negative stories about yourself are needing to be healed and transformed first before full benefits can be experienced from the Feeling Goal process.

 

To explore this further I, or your friendly counsellor, can help. You will be amazed at how relieved you’ll feel just sharing your experiences. A counsellor is a neutral third party to help you see what’s stopping you, validate the successes you have made and explore your opportunities.

Call 604-809-8947 now to find out more. Or Click to find a time to talk.

 

Don’t let Tradition Ruin your Holiday Cheer

Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE traditions. They are comforting and a beautiful connection to the people of the past as well as the present.

But things start to turn bad when traditions go from how I get to celebrate with others to having to meet expectations of those traditions. AAAH!

Don’t let this happen to you!

How you ask?

By staying in the present. I know you hear that all the time but here’s how it can make a big difference to your holiday celebrations.

Like with all the things we do in our life picking up the kids, working, driving or even running for the bus it’s our choice of how we want to think of it or what we make it mean about us. You can choose to see things as what you ‘get’ to do in life or look at it as what you ‘have’ to do. And to remember that requires being in the moment, recognizing what you love, value and cherish like family and traditions. It’s widening your focus to the bigger picture. When usually we’re focused on a fraction of that bigger picture stressing about the things you need to do in the future or worrying about what you’ve done in the past.

Step back and hold a bigger frame up to your life that includes more than your fleeting, momentary emotions and incorporates all of who you are.

So when you’re running around shopping for gifts and food to create that perfect traditional family Christmas, hiding in your room to get away from the chaos or cleaning up after guests staying for the holidays, before you let someone have a piece of your mind remember why you’re doing this. The bigger why. Because giving from our heart feels good, no one and nothing is EVER perfect and having connections with family and friends is what keeps us going.

What have you got to lose?

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Happy couple looking out at the water

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