Category: Goals

Liz Coleman RTC - Surrey Counsellor

Your Goal for Happiness and Success Starts Here – Part 2

Our goals and what we want can get confusing. Which is often why we end up not fully satisfied with the outcome.

Take the weather as an easy example, when it’s cold we want it to be hot and then when it’s hot…..well you know. It seems that asking for one thing means giving up another. Which is why when working with goals that it’s best to focus on the experience of having, being or doing that goal rather than what it looks like.

BRINGING YOUR GOAL INTO THE PRESENT 

One of the great things I learned in counselling school was the Feeling Goal. Shout out to my school Clearmind International. I recommend their training and personal growth to everyone.  When they asked me for a goal in the first days I’m sure I groaned audibly. Ugh…making goals only made me anxious. I couldn’t get around my ‘reality’. I was blinded by the seeming impossibility of ‘how’ the goal would be reached instead of just reaching. That’s fear mentality!! Then they, those wonderful teachers at Clearmind, asked “How would you feel if you had that experience?” That question changed everything.

HOW THE FEELING GOAL WORKS

The Feeling Goal clarifies exactly what you want to experience from a multitude of possible outcomes and brings the experience of your goal from the future into the present (which is where our happiness lies).

When you’re thinking of something you want like a goal you’re usually looking into the future but at the same time you’re experiencing the lack of it in the moment.  What you’re saying is “when I get that house I’ll be happy” (but I’m not happy right now). Instantly your body will react with tension because lack brings up Fear which creates the experience of anxiety and stress. Switch your thoughts to how it would feel to have that home, relationship, job etc.. and you are literally experiencing your goal in your body here and now. And that feels good. The reason this works so well is a secret….. which I’ll share… your body doesn’t know the difference between past and future it just experiences based on what you’re thinking. So what you’re doing by feeling your goal is bringing it into the now like self-hypnosis.

This negative self-hypnosis isn’t a new thing for anyone who’s felt stress and anxiety. Those are the fear thoughts about the future being felt in your body. And sadness and guilt are thoughts about the past. Same kind of self-hypnosis just the difference of a closed, defensive, Fear state rather than a open, Loving one.

WHAT TO DO?

Now that you know the secret you can practice daily awareness of the thoughts you’re choosing. Deep breathing and meditating will help while you practice the Feeling Goal  as often as possible and intentionally create the feeling experience in your body of what you want.

Breathe…How would it feel to have what I want?… having that success would feel exciting and energizing…  then allow that feeling to strengthen in your body as you breathe in and out. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

Now you are consciously choosing your goal and specific experience of life in the present and for the future. No longer does your habitual fear get to control you. You have the power to choose your happiness and success.

WHAT IF IT’S NOT WORKING?

Persistent negative thoughts about yourself or others can block your ability to experience the full feeling of your goal. In this case past trauma, mistaken beliefs or negative stories about yourself are needing to be healed and transformed first before full benefits can be experienced from the Feeling Goal process.

 

To explore this further I, or your friendly counsellor, can help. You will be amazed at how relieved you’ll feel just sharing your experiences. A counsellor is a neutral third party to help you see what’s stopping you, validate the successes you have made and explore your opportunities.

Call 604-809-8947 now to find out more. Or Click to find a time to talk.

 

Your Goal for Happiness, Peace and Success Starts Here – Pt. 1

Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now Your Goal of Happiness Starts Now

OUR CHOICES CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE

All our choices are based on the information we have and that’s made up of what we’ve learned and experienced in the past. It’s a mix of emotions and facts. But even cold hard facts can be distorted because, as we are meaning making machines, we’ve learned to judge everything and slot them into ‘good’ or ‘bad‘. In essence creating an emotional decision. And so often our judgments of ‘good’ are based on avoiding discomfort or with fear that something bad will happen otherwise. To make decisions to reach your goal it’s important to recognize and choose the alternative to the fear based choice. And that would be basing a decision on walking towards something that enlivens and empowers me rather than running from discomfort or fear of lack or losing. I use the terms Fear or Love to make it easier for me discern what to choose.

I ask myself what will I gain rather than what will I lose.

THE DAILY REPETITIVE LOOP..Changing perspective with Liz Coleman RTC www.thespacesbetweencounselling.com

Without the awareness that comes from introspection and meditation we’re living an habitual, repetitive loop day in and day out. This is like insanity, choosing the same thoughts, choices, feelings and actions to create your days yet always hoping for a different result. Unfortunately, most of the decisions that come from this insanity loop are from a place of Fear. ..which then creates your reality. That’s why STRESS AND ANXIETY are such a constant in our life. The fear of lack or losing rules us.

To try and change our experience we’ve mistakenly learned that changing our behaviour will change our thoughts and experience. But no.. it’s often the other way around. Changing your behaviour may temporarily change your experience, like moving to another country. But left to the robotic, repetition of your habitual mind you’ll be right back to the same feelings, thoughts, choices etc. Then voila… same experience as before just in a different country.

YOUR EXPERIENCES TODAY ARE BASED ON YOUR GOAL AND DECISIONS FROM YESTERDAY

Looking at where you are today… what fear based decisions have you made that are keeping you from your goal of Happiness, Peace and Success?

Coming soon Part 2 of YOUR GOAL FOR HAPPINESS, PEACE AND SUCCESS STARTS HERE. I’ll explore how to recognize the fear based choices and start choosing from a loving state of mind.

 

For personal and private exploration of this topic your friendly counsellor can help. Find one you feel comfortable with to gently step into your story with you. You will be amazed at how relieved you’ll feel just sharing your experiences. A counsellor is a neutral third party to help you see what’s stopping you, validate the successes you have made and explore your opportunities.

Call 604-809-8947 now to find out more. Or Click to find a time to talk.

Continue to Part 2

EXPAND YOUR LEARNING…

Find out more about personal growth or counsellor training at Clearmind International 

More information on the spiritual study of the Fear or Love thought system click A Course In Miracles

Read more

Help! I can’t stop my Bad Habits

When Eating, Drinking and other behaviours become Bad Habits

Sometimes the normal, healthy behaviours we engage in every day become out of control default behaviours, creating problems such as stress and anxiety. Unhealthy habits can be sneaky, starting with an innocent ‘reward’ for having a bad day and leading to becoming the ‘go to’ in an attempt to make yourself feel better. When this happens you can feel powerless to stop it.

Bad Habits and Inner Demons

Common Bad Habits:

  • Eating too much, or not at all
  • Watching TV or movies
  • Checking Facebook, email or surfing
  • Alcohol, smoking or drugs/medication
  • Ranting to friends, gossiping
  • Shopping
  • Work, Exercise, Sleep, Sex

In some cases, daily behaviours become default behaviours and bad habits that you use as a way to cope and distract yourself from feeling the underlying stress and anxiety. It may be your reward or ‘go to’ you’ve done all your life or it may be something new. Chances are you’ve done ‘something’ all your life to avoid feeling.  That’s what these default behaviours are for, to numb and comfort so you don’t feel the upset or hurt underneath. When you try to alter the behaviour, you are not getting to the root cause: your feelings. The feeling underneath may have started innocently but became huge and menacing after being hidden and avoided for so long.

Clients will often share that if they start crying they’ll never stop, or they fear if they let the sadness come out they’ll fall into depression like a deep hole. The feeling has become big and ominous. I’ve heard others call it their Inner Demons. However, the truth is that feelings are feelings, and the menacing monster was created using your own imagination.

Facing the Feelings

The FIRST STEP is to recognize that your behaviours are causing a problem, (often it feels like “Help I can’t stop”when some behaviour is out of control) and that you desire a different experience (feeling calm, at peace and in control). Much like a personal goal, this recognition can help you when things get tough.

I feel …

Now I want to feel…

The SECOND STEP involves manifesting that goal feeling in your body. When did you experience that feeling (sharing with someone special, at a performance or receiving praise and acknowledgement)? Where do you experience that feeling? For example you may want peace, and peace feels like a warm sensation around your heart and chest; relief may feel like lightness in your shoulders. Create a habit of breathing and recreating this feeling every day. Eventually this becomes normal, and you recognize the stressful feelings sooner before they cause problems.

The THIRD STEP occurs when you catch yourself engaging in some of these unwanted behaviours. Create some space between your stress or anxiety, and the default behaviour. When you recognize you are stressed, breathe and give yourself a moment to feel before acting on the impulse. Do not be discouraged if you recognize the stress and behaviour after you’ve eaten, checked your phone or turned on the TV. This is the perfect time to remember your goal feeling and breathe into it. Ground yourself by closing your eyes and putting your hand on your stomach or looking into someone’s eyes. This will bring you into the present where you can check in with yourself to see what you’re feeling. Post reminders to breathe deeply so as to create a habit.

The FOURTH STEP involves getting to know these feelings you’ve been hiding from. These apparent Inner Demons are beneficial. They have something to teach you and can help you find more joy and peace in your life. Write down the thoughts and feelings as often as you can. Open up and share your fears with someone you trust. Revealing the fears behind the bad habits will lessen the intensity of the default behaviours and the need to numb the feelings.

Soon you will be able to enjoy these daily behaviours again without feeling out of control. You will decide whether the reward will be food or alcohol, or the positive daily habits you’ve created to manage your stress and anxiety and avoid numbing.

Are You On Track to Meet Your Goals?

We often hear ‘stay on track with your goal’ or ‘Don’t stray from your goal’ but how do you discern whether you’re on track or not?

Here’s 2 quick steps to help you out.

Step 1: Understand Your Values.

Your values are what determine the direction or goal.

What’s most important to you in life? Family? Love? Honesty? Authenticity? Health? Peace? Giving? Faith? Growth? Responsibility? Loyalty? Trust? Expressiveness? Freedom? Reliability? Teamwork? Financial Independence? Grace? Gratitude? Fun? Happiness? Balance? Harmony? Curiosity? Integrity? Self Awareness? Joy? Mindfulness? Openness? Patience? Respect? Spirituality? Timeliness? Tradition? etc…

In some aspects of your life your values may change but having a few values that are constant throughout is key to success. For example when I’m about to give a speech my constant values are Authenticity, growth and being the change I want to see but for the speech I’ll add in Calmness and Trust. For business it’s still Authenticity but I’ll check to make sure I’m following my Passion, Trusting and taking Responsibility. You probably have quite a few values that are important but pick a few that mean the most to you.

Think of your values as your own built-in GPS system. When you’re feeling stuck or you have a decision to make check in with what’s most important to you. “Am I following my values here?” If not make a correction. Knowing your values brings clarity and focus for any situation.

Step 2: Discern Where You’re Facing.

Feelings are the gauge for discerning whether you’re still heading in the right direction of your finish line. When life is flowing and you’re happy you’re living congruent to your values and you’re on track. When you’re feeling stuck, frustrated or lost you’re off the path and you’ve forgotten your values. Check in with your GPS to find the path again.

When I’m struggling with work saying “it’s so difficult” I stop and re evaluate, “what am I feeling and what are my values here?” Am I being authentic? No I’m doubting myself but pretending it’s okay. I’m feeling a lack and instead of focusing on my Value of Giving and what I have I’m focusing on the money. That’s why I’m struggling. So I remember my passion… take responsibility for my experience and remind myself that I’m learning to run my own business, it’s okay to not know everything. Back on track.

“Values dictate your finish line and feelings show where you’re heading”

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